Saturday, 28 August 2010

Stuff you post at night and remove in the morning

Oh man, I have just been kidding myself and I must hang onto that perception. Because wishful thinking & daydreaming is a killer. And the internet is a uniquely 21st century form of torture for unrequited lovers and for driving you insane with heartache and jealousy. I know the way to do it is to forget about it and to go out a lot and flirt a lot and find someone else so I don't care about him - basically to make someone you want who doesn't want you want you by not wanting them anymore. Catch 22. Love, pah, love is for losers.

Brrr. Anyway, look at this here photo of Einstein on a bike that I took today.

Lynn Barber, An Education (much better than the film, which is pants)

Thursday, 26 August 2010

What are you reading?

Just came back from a picnic (laughs hollowly - okay we spent the day in the pub drinking) with my colleagues, and one of them said something blindingly brilliant yet so simple which gave me an idea. Because I feel bad for never posting about books anymore.

She said she keeps a list of the books she reads, otherwise she forgets. Despite a lifetime of reading, I've never thought of doing this. So what I'll do, any time I post I will put a little postscript of whatever book I'm reading, and you can comment or totally ignore it, it's up to you, but at least it will make this blog vaguely book related.

And to kick us off, what are you reading these days? Any good?

Sometimes I have a few on the go -
The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle
Under the Net, Iris Murdoch

Monday, 23 August 2010


No no, not that Crossroads, this Crossroads... you know, where I go down to do a deal with the devil, he gets my soul and I get to play the guitar better than John Lee Hooker ...

Er no, not those either. Just this was the quiet time in the year when I was meant to do some thinking about where the plan is going next. I am miserable at work, stressed and under pressure, and underneath all that, dead bored.

I thought maybe I could retrain as a speech and language therapist to get out of school, and went and did some work shadowing, but it turns out to be same-same, but different. Dealing with people all day long (I am not a people person really. I can't stand people) lots of paperwork, lots of responsibility. Mostly women (a rare male speech therapist told me out of the 400 people on his course, 7 were men.) I don't know if I can stand it.

But really really, the major consideration is that I don't want to. I want to go to art college. I want to take it seriously. I've spent my entire working life being sidetracked from what I want to do by the need to pay the rent and by practical considerations, and it just leads me further and further away from anything I'm genuinely interested in. When I came back from Spain I went for the sensible option & it just lead to 6 years of doing a job I don't like at all.

Seeing as the retirement age will probably be 90 by the time I get there, it seems foolish not trying to spend as much of your life as possible doing something you love, as opposed to getting sucked into the system. Yes I can pay the rent, which is not to be sneezed at, but is that what it's all about?

At the crossroads, it's like viewing two signs, one way points to "DREARY PUBLIC SERVICE" & the other way points to "STARVING ARTIST". Hmm.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

A poll

You know when someone doesn't like you... (I know, hard to believe hey) but I mean, really really doesn't like you - is charming and lovely to everyone else and rude and obnoxious or just really cold and indifferent to you, how do you respond? There is no right answer here, I'm just interested.

a) If they don't like me, fuck 'em, it's their loss.

b) Lovebomb them, charm them, win them over at all costs.

c) Who? What? Other people? I never notice them.

d) Be icy but polite back at them.

e) Get all up in their face and ask them is there a problem?

f) Or something else (and tell us what.)

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Paging Dr Freud

I know other people's dreams are really boring but I had to post this one because it was so entertaining I woke up laughing.

I dreamed I was in hell. Hell was like a circular office with lots of corridors. To get around you just lifted your feet up in the air and levitated. When you got promoted (which meant you went down to the next circle of glass corridors - an inverse hierarchy ) you got a little hover bike thing. But everyone secretly enjoyed just levitating the best.

I bumped into someone from work there, and had a moment of surprise, as he is a nice guy. But then I realised he was very corporate and ambitious, which fitted in with the corporate, hierarchical nature of hell.

There was a lot of traffic between heaven and hell. People kept sneaking into hell to have sex with the demons. I wondered why and then when I saw the angels, I realised it was because the angels had no genitals. The details of heaven were a bit vaguer.

I'm an atheist, so I've no idea where all that came from.

Friday, 13 August 2010

On holidays

Thank you for your book suggestions, they've all gone straight on my Amazon wishlist. The books lasted - strangely enough, just finished the Paul Auster as we were touching down at Stansted. (pretty good, not as good as Brooklyn Follies, which is fabulous, and set in Park Slope where my friends live.)

This is where I was, up a mountain in Italy. I was printmaking & the studio was in the castle, at one point my guesthouse double booked my room so I had to stay in the castle itself. It's a dirty job...

I didn't miss the internet, surprisingly.

I'm missing this drink and the happy Italians.

One of them was making a project, where she asked people for a book that was special to them, a favourite artist, and something that inspires them. Mine was William Boyd's 'Any Human Heart'; Paula Rego; and (I found the last one tricky) Victoria Park. What about yours?